How I Lost My Rent Money Betting on TRUMP Coin and Still Felt Like a Patriot

A financial horror story wrapped in red, white, and blue.

I should’ve known better. I really should have. But when I saw a Solana-based Trump memecoin mooning harder than a Florida retiree on spring break, I had no choice. My hands were forced. I dumped my savings into TRUMP Coin, convinced that this was my golden ticket.

Why? Because, as the great man himself once said, “What do you have to lose?”

(The answer, in hindsight, was everything.)

The Pump: Like a Campaign Rally on Steroids

When I first bought in, TRUMP Coin was sitting at a modest $25 per token. By the time I’d microwaved my last hot pocket, it had shot past $29—a gain so fast it made Dogecoin look like a 401(k). Twitter was on fire, Telegram was frothing, and even that one uncle who only uses Facebook was posting about it.

The hype was insane. Some claimed Trump himself was behind the project. Others said it would be the official currency of Mar-a-Lago. A few true believers even argued that TRUMP Coin would be written into the U.S. Constitution.

At that moment, I was convinced I was about to become so rich that the IRS would have no choice but to audit me out of pure jealousy.

I should’ve cashed out. But I didn’t. Because only losers sell early.

The Crash: “Biggest Dump in History, Maybe Ever”

Then, disaster struck.

It started with a sudden drop to $26, followed by a rapid freefall that left my portfolio looking like a deflated campaign balloon. The chart looked like the results of a rigged election—steep, tragic, and full of allegations of fraud.

Telegram went from “LFG!!!” to “What the f* just happened??”** in minutes. Crypto bros who were saluting their screens just hours earlier were now crying in the comments.

Theories started flying:

1. Was Kraken rugging us?
2. Was Trump himself secretly dumping his bags?
3. Did Biden short the market?

Regardless of the cause, one thing was certain: I was now the proud owner of a giant, steaming bag of Ls.

The Rebound: Because Nothing Stays Dead Forever (Not Even Trump)

Just when I thought all hope was lost, TRUMP Coin started pumping again.

The recovery was slow but strong. A few whales swooped in, volume picked up, and the coin clawed its way back to $28. Telegram was alive once more. The same guys who were crying 15 minutes ago were now back to screaming “NEW ATH SOON!”

Was this just a dead-cat bounce, or was TRUMP Coin truly unstoppable?

No one knew. And frankly, at this point, I didn’t care anymore.

Forecast: Are We Going to the White House or Straight to Zero?

So where does TRUMP Coin go from here?

If hype stays strong, we could see $35-40 in the coming weeks—especially if Trump himself acknowledges it.

If things slow down, we might stabilize around $25-28 before the next election-fueled pump.

If Kraken delists it or the SEC gets involved, well… at least we had a good run.

One thing’s for sure—this coin isn’t just a memecoin, it’s an experience. And like all things Trump, it’s never boring.

Final Words: Lessons Learned (Or Not)

Did I make money?

No.

Will I keep holding?

Obviously.

Would I do it all again?

Absolutely.

Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from TRUMP Coin, it’s that memes are temporary, but FOMO is forever.

Disclaimer:

This article is purely satirical and not financial advice. If you sell your house to buy TRUMP Coin, that’s between you and your bank.